Heart and Soul

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Making Changes


“A New Year, A New You.”

As we turn the calendar to the New Year of 2006, many of us follow the trend of resolving to make ourselves over. We self-promise renewal in a continual quest to become thinner, richer, smarter, younger, healthier and, of course, better looking.

Never one to be left behind, I’ve made my list of New Year’s Resolutions with one central theme: to become “cool.”

I came to this resolve several weeks ago when my daughter and I were planning our family’s Christmas Eve Dinner. My “in-the-know” child suggested that “Tapas Style” would be a good way to serve this year’s holiday feast. I responded that I had no idea what “Tapas” meant, at which point she gave me a look that I clearly remember using on my grandmother when I talked to her about trendy subjects as bell bottoms and go-go boots.

It was at that precise moment that I clearly understood I had officially fallen into the out-of-touch generation. However, unlike my mother and her mother before her, I have since decided that out-of-touch is not where I want to be. So this year I’m dedicating myself to keeping up with all the latest trends and becoming “cool.”

As a lover of fashion, I decided to begin with my wardrobe. My New Year’s Motto a simple one of change and renewal. Out with full sized sweaters, high-heeled pumps and regular fit jeans and in with shrugs, uggs and low riders, baby!

So I set off to my favorite clothing mecca to shop for a new and trendy wardrobe, which now hangs in my closet, ready to wear. There’s just one small problem. I have no idea how to wear this stuff!

The uggs aren’t so bad. In fact, they’re downright warm and toasty. However, I must admit that I find the current fashion trend of pairing the oversized furry boots with dresses of satin and lace, a bit disorienting. But I’ve started out slow, putting together uggs with my best 3-piece suit and it seems to be working out ok.

Where I’m really struggling is in the shrug and low rider jeans department. Now every time I see a nubile young woman wrapped up in a body hugging cropped tee shirt topped off with a shoulder to shoulder shrug, I absolutely love the look. However when I attempt to pull off that same fashion statement, I end up looking like someone wearing a half knit sweater that’s unraveling as I wear it. Then when you add to that a pair of low rider jeans that not only fail to cover my love handles and healthy belly, but tragically over emphasize them and cause them to hang out from underneath my too-short shirt, it’s definitely a bad picture.

The good news is that I’ve found a solution to my fashion dilemma and it’s right out the pages of my grandmother’s stylebook. I’ve discovered that if I simply trade-in my cropped tee for a full-length model, I can wear the lowest cut jeans in the universe and appear as cool as anyone. I just have to add one simple undergarment…..a corset.

Yep, that’s right. I now put on a one-piece, shoulder to leg, hold-it-all-in, elastic body armor and I’m good to go for any fashion trend on the market. The only drawback I’ve found so far is that after about three hours, my internal organs start to feel as if they are being compacted and I have a little trouble breathing. But it’s a small price to pay for being cool.

Next on my cool resolution list… tattoos. I’m thinking maybe a cute little butterfly on my ankle.

Undoubtedly way cool!
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